well hi

my life is on tumblr & if anyone ever finds me I'm dead

Aug 30


hello tumblr, my names rachel and this is my body. for years , since i can remember i’ve hated it (a lot). i can clearly remember being in kindergarten and constantly wonder why i didn’t look like the other girls, why my belly wasn’t flat and why my thighs touched and why my cheeks got so flushed when i ran and there’s didn’t. when i was in the third grade, that’s when the bullying started. day after day the same kids would call me names and take my things and throw paper at me and just be straight up mean. i was too embarrassed to every tell anyone. to this day , still, no one knows. i started hating school. the bullying and tormenting went on until two years ago when i started high school, but the damage had already been done. i hated myself and my appearance and it was obvious, from the way i carried myself to the things i said about my physical appearance. and i hated that i couldn’t get a boyfriend or a girlfriend. i blamed this on my weight, told my self I was “too fat to be loved.” and those are fucking awful thoughts to have.
earlier this year a male friend and i were talking about celebrities i found attractive. later that night when i was thinking about my day i notice that a couple of plus sized woman came up. plus sized woman who both my friend and I both found attractive regardless of weight. in that moment i had an epiphany. it went a little something like this “these woman are beautiful. these woman are plus sized. their size does not effect my view on how attractive they are. these woman are confidant. plus size doesn’t equal unattractive. confidence is attractive. woah.” it really was an eyeopener for me. i knew that in order to be happy with myself and love myself I didn’t /have/ to loose weight, i instead needed to gain confidence. every single day for five months I looked at my self in the mirror and said out loud “you are beautiful. your size does not define you. you are loved the way you are. you do not need to change.” im going to be honest, first month i laughed at myself after, thought it was total shit. little by little without even noticing, i became more confidant. i received a few compliments (from both friends and a stranger!) about my appearance for the first time in my life.
today august 29, 2014, for the first time in my life, I looked into the mirror and didn’t see fat, i didn’t see a worthless , ugly , girl undeserving of love. i saw a confidant girl , with purple hair and a beauty mark under her lip who looked happy and confidant.
for the first time in my life i love my body. i can say that now and mean it. i am a healthy , confidant , girl who happens to be plus sized but that doesn’t change shit about who i am. everyone, and i mean everyone, regardless of size should look in the mirror and tell themselves they are beautiful and loved no matter how small or large their bodies are. you are alive and your heart is beating and your veins are full of blood and flowers are blooming and the sun is rising somewhere in the world there’s no time to caught up in the size of your body. be happy with the way you are, accept yourself and love yourself because if you don’t, you won’t ever let anybody else accept and love you. you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are don’t ever ever ever let anyone , including your own thoughts ever tell you different!!
(the second picture is a big fuck you to anyone who’s ever made anyone feel insure or inadequate because of their size :-)) )

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Jun 7

May 13

i sure do laugh a lot for someone who’s dead on the inside.

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Mar 11

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the perks of being an unsuccessful blog

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Dec 21

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